Sunday, July 22, 2012

Brazilian Blowout

Last night, I returned to the scene of a crime. The crime was that I received the Worst Meal I Have Ever Had in a restaurant. And this meal alone caused me to write off the food of an entire country. But in the spirit of this blog, I decided it was only fair to go back and try it again.

In many cases, it seems that the kinds of Brazilian food that is popular these days is not exactly my style. Meaning, it's those Gaucho places (like Fogo de Chao) where a bunch of disgusting, greedy Americans sit around and fill their fat faces with endless meats until their bodies cry mercy and they drop dead from any of the dozen diseases caused by eating red meat. Clearly, this is not the kind of Brazilian place I am talking about.
Fuck you.
The place where I had the Worst Meal I Have Ever Had in a Restaurant was at Cafe Brasil, about 5 years ago. I'm not kidding, this was literally the only time I have *ever* been served a meal that I found to be largely inedible. Anyone who knows me, knows I have a huge appetite and I spend most of my time hungry. And when I push away my plate, full of uneaten food, it's a serious situation! In retrospect, I probably should have known better. I ate there on the recommendation of my former roommate.... the one with the worst taste in food ever. :-)

I got the Vegetarian Plate. And yes, I liked the rice, black beans and plantains that it included. But the bulk of the meal was this gigantic pile of vegetables, overcooked and served in a horrific mustard sauce. Now, 5 years ago, I obviously would NOT have willingly ordered something covered in mustard sauce! But the menu didn't indicate this would be the case. So, I was given a big plate of something awful. And I decided, then and there, "If this is Brazilian Food, I clearly hate Brazilian Food!"

Mean Mr. Mustard Plate
Well, last night, I confronted my Brazilian Nemesis again. And hooo boy, those were some mustard-y veggies! I clearly understand why I wouldn't have been able to eat more than 2 bites of it the last time I attempted this meal. It is no kidding around with the mustard! However, I am happy to report that I ate it just fine last night! Since I have dealt with my mustard issues, I was able to eat about 3/4 of my mustard-soaked veggies. Now, I can't say I loved it. I insist this is a very odd choice of a sauce to put on vegetables. But it was ok, and I managed just fine. I definitely met my own criteria.... if someone gave this to me at their home, I am now able to cheerfully eat a respectable amount without causing an awkward scene. Also, I have decided to forgive the entire country and Brazil for that one plate of mustard doused vegetables, and I will no longer claim I hate all Brazilian food. I mean, the black beans, rice and plantains really were damn good! :-)

Here we were after dinner last night. I am happy that I no longer hate the cuisine of an entire country. My husband is happy because he missed going to Cafe Brasil, since I obviously refused to go back there for many years!
I really am getting close to the end of this little food experiment! I'm still on the lookout for vegan desserts that are flavored with green tea. And I will but more seaweed snacks one day soon. Really, I will!

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