I'm Not Much Into Health Foods

I had kind of a revelation, regarding the difference between "healthy foods" and "health foods." It seems that when you lose that Y, you go from the territory of reasonable foods (fresh fruits and veggies, whole grains, nuts, legumes) and into the domain of horrific concoctions which boast unsubstantiated health claims, are prohibitively expensive, are subject to food trends even more so than normal foods, and are usually only consumed by lunatics with a neurotic preoccupation with their health. Foods I would put into this category are things like goji berries, spirulina, wheat grass, many varieties of vegetable based "smoothies" or juices, the vast majority of foods marketed as "raw", and the awful beverage I just finished drinking, Kombucha.

 

 

 

I got blood orange flavored, because regular Kombucha would have potentially killed me.

I don't remember why I ever drank Kombucha before. I guess I must have been at some weirdo restaurant, and was tempted by the fact that it appears like it would be a delicious and refreshing beverage. People, DO NOT BE FOOLED into trying this stuff! According to the Bucha website: "Kombucha is an ancient Chinese brew made by fermenting organic teas with a live culture of yeast and bacteria." Yum! :-/ What the website fails to mention is that it's taste ranges somewhere between apple cider vinegar and a foot. 

Anyway, when I started this project, of course I put Kombucha in my List of Hated Foods, and I figured that I should see if I could make myself learn to like it. But at this point, I have changed my mind. The whole point of this experiment is to teach myself to embrace all reasonable foods that people enjoy eating, because they find them to be delicious. And I realized that, by my own criteria, most Health Foods are automatically disqualified from being considered! I mean, NO ONE eats these things because they think they taste good! They eat them because they are obsessive about their diets and often, because they are crazy! So, I hereby absolve myself from having to learn to like anything that I feel comes safely under the umbrella of Health Foods. Screw you, Kombucha!

That said, I'm still going to agree to subject myself to at least one meal at a raw restaurant. Not only because I already bought a Groupon to one ;-), but because I've actually heard otherwise normal people swear they have had good meals at raw restaurants. My personal experience with raw restaurants was that it was ridiculous garbage, and one would be a fool to buy into the whole Raw Foods Hype. But I'll try it again, if only so I can smugly say, "I told you so!"

Don't get me wrong. I've been trying VERY hard over the past 10 years to eat a pretty healthy diet. I eat kale like it is going out of style. I eat a green vegetable with every single meal I eat. I generally only snack on fruit or nuts. I'm not giving the finger to doing your best to eat a healthy diet.... it's just the trendy, expensive, marketed to rich white people, bad tasting stuff I'm giving the finger to.

I only included this photo because I want you to spend the rest of the day haunted by this image.

And now, off to make my healthY dinner of Tofu Vegetable Curry.... no health foods included!

From Russia, With No Love

Here is one of the most ironic things in my life. Over the past 3 or so years, I have become known amongst friends as the person who makes the "best Moscow Mule in Los Angeles." (BTW, that link does not show the recipe I use. Mine is secret. ;-) ) My husband has seriously had one of his friends text him, after trying various Moscow Mules around town, and stating they were, "Not as good as your wife makes." Just last night, 4 separate people were reminiscing about the Moscow Mules I had made them years ago. (And in all honestly, one guy DID say that he finally had one that was a little better than mine.... but the bar he had it at has since closed, so I hereby declare myself the reigning champion once again!) As you can imagine, this is all very flattering. But the reason it is ironic is that, I HATE MOSCOW MULES! And it is very bittersweet to apparently have a knack for making something that so many people find to be delicious and thrilling, whilst you find it to be utterly awful.

The former Cock 'n Bull is now a Land Rover dealership. :-/

First, I would be remiss if I didn't briefly tell you the history of the Moscow Mule. It originated in the 1940's, at the Cock 'n Bull Pub, a now defunct bar that was located a mere 3 blocks from where I currently live. Legend has it that the bartender had a case of ginger beer on hand, that no one would drink.... and he also had a bottle of a type of alcohol that was only enjoyed by Russian immigrants, and not by your average 1940's Angeleno: Vodka (in this case, it was Smirnoff). The bartender decided that maybe he could get rid of these 2 unpopular beverages by combining them, with a squeeze of lime, and serving it in a copper mug... and he then gave the first one to Broderick Crawford. Hence the Moscow Mule was born, and became a sensation. And it is the cocktail that can take the credit for putting vodka on the map in the USA. (Which is another reason why I am mad at the Moscow Mule! I dream of a world where stupid vodka isn't so ubiquitous!!!)

Anyway, my husband became obsessed with the Moscow Mule after he heard this local tale. At that time, you couldn't find a Moscow Mule anywhere in town. However, proving that we are on the cutting edge, the Moscow Mule has since had a resurgence in popularity, and you can get your hands on one in several hip locations about Los Angeles. But before that was the case, he actually went to Ebay and got himself a set of authentic Moscow Mule copper mugs, and had me start making them for friends, using Smirnoff vodka (while authentic, the type of vodka doesn't really matter much) and the genuine Cock 'n Bull Ginger Beer (which is the one crucial ingredient to a true Moscow Mule.)

Here is my husband with his Moscow Mule mugs.

While we all know that I'm too snobby to drink vodka on a regular basis, the vodka isn't my issue with the Moscow Mule... it's the Ginger Beer. I can't explain it. I like Ginger Ale a lot! And I like to think I'm ok with the flavor of ginger in general. But something about the flavor of ginger beer is frankly awful to me! I am also no fan of the other drink that employs ginger beer, the national drink of Bermuda, the Dark 'n Stormy. But if my husband can now eat guacamole with me, then damn, I need to learn to drink a Moscow Mule with him!

I promise you, I got no kick from that mule! I'm not sure which one I found harder to drink... a Greyhound or a Moscow Mule, but I think it may be the Mule. I managed to choke down the whole thing (which included half a bottle of evil ginger beer), and it got a little better once the 500 ice cubes I put in it melted and diluted the awfulness a bit. But it was still bad to the last drop.

I made both of these faces while attempting to drink my Moscow Mule.

Anyway, we currently have *7* more bottle of ginger beer in the house, so I'll try it again... not only as a Mule, but I'll also try it as a Dark 'n Stormy (as we do have some black rum in the house!), as well as just plain ol' terrible ginger beer. Wish me luck.... this one is up there with cranberry juice and grapefruit, in how difficult it will be for me to overcome my aversion to!

Progress Report #2

OK, here is where I stand now, 2 months into this project. This will also help to catch up those of you who haven't been following along since the beginning of this adventure...

Conquered!

* Raw Onions
* Tonic Water
* Tabbouleh
* White Wine
* Endive
* Parsnips
* Kohlrabi
* Lamb's Quarters
* Root Beer
* Sauerkraut
* Mustard
* Baba Ghanoush
* Taro Chips
* Daikon
* Radishes
* Earl Grey Tea
* Pickled Ginger
* Broccoli Rabe
* Onion Rings
* Poutine
* "Everything" Pretzel Slims
* Beer, dark
* Grapefruit Juice, when served in a cocktail that includes sweet ingredients

Works in Progress...

* Grapefruit
* Seaweed Snacks
* Beer, light
* Mole
* Cranberry Juice
* Champagne
* Turnips
* Radicchio
* Mineral Water
* Bloody Mary
* Kombucha
* Sea vegetables

Haven't Gotten Around To.... Yet.

* Ginger Beer
* Green Tea Flavored Treats
* Baklava
* Tiramisu
* Spaghetti Squash 
* Brazilian Food
* Herbal Tea
* Lemongrass
* Chocolate with Spicy Stuff in it
* Raw Foods
* Floral Flavored Foods


New Additions... Because I Keep Thinking of More and More Foods I Dislike or Have Never Eaten


* Ruben Sandwich
* "Jerk" style foods
* "Blackened" style foods
* Flavored waters
* Chai

I must admit, I am pretty impressed with myself thus far! :-)

My husband has declared that he "likes everything" now.... and I have been shocked and impressed with his current ability to devour all kinds of things he wouldn't have touched 2 months ago.... most notably, mustard, avocados, beer and pickles.


Both my husband and I feel very liberated by this whole experiment, so far. We have both been surprised at how easy it actually is to tolerate many things you had convinced yourself you hated, just by the mere act of "getting over yourself" and being willing to try things! He is relieved that he no longer has to live in constant fear that his sandwich is going to show up with surprise mustard on it! I am relieved that, as long as something is vegan, I will officially be willing to eat ANYTHING. I'm not saying that I like everything yet, but I can't think of any vegan food that I would turn my nose up at anymore... I'm game to at least try it all. Which is HUGE for me!


I will leave you with one more thought for today. If my husband and I can do this, and find it to be pretty easy to overcome most food aversions, then you can do it too. If a food is commonly considered to be good to eat, and millions of people on this Earth enjoy it, but you do not, the problem is with YOU and not with that specific food! :-) It is not inherently bad tasting or inedible! You just need to deal with yourself, and with minimal to moderate effort, you can learn to understand why everyone else likes to eat something that you think you hate. I challenge everyone to give it a try! You don't have to try to rid yourself of ALL of your hated foods, as I am trying to do, but why not try and conquer at least the one that you most commonly encounter? The one that your life would be made more convenient if you could just learn to like.... the one that you are always asking your waitress to leave off of your meal... the one that you are always leaving pushed to the side of your plate.... give it a try! I dare you!!! :-)

Duke of Earl

Something amazing happened yesterday. I have mentioned that I had been forcing Earl Grey upon myself, and my new rule was, if I was going to be so extravagant as to treat myself to a THIRD cup of tea in a day, the third cup had to be The Grey Earl. After work, I came home and poured myself a cup of ambition... then, I went about my business, tea in tow.... I was doing a little bit of this, a little bit of that, take a sip of tea, do a little more of this, etc..... and it was only when I had about 2 sips of tea left in my gigantic tea cup that I remembered, "Holy crow! I've drank an entire cup of Earl Grey... and I didn't even notice its badness!!!" Which means that I didn't suffer at all! Which means the Earl's Ass is Mine! It only took about 7 cups of Earl Grey to go from being disgusted by it's awful aroma and terrible taste to become completely indifferent to it! Hence, I have mastered what my husband insists is "the most important thing" for me to learn to embrace. And I am sure that when life gives me Earl Grey, I'll be able to Embrace the Earl.

As you can see, I am enthusiastically embracing my new title!

However, not everything lately has been a smashing success. Last time I was at the Farmer's Market, I bought an "heirloom pink grapefruit," which was described as having a "sweet aftertaste." I figured this would be a lovely stop on my path to becoming a Lover of All Things Grapefruit! After procrastinating for a week, I finally decided it would be my breakfast today. And since this was apparently a mild and sweet grapefruit, I just dug right into it, naked (the grapefruit, not me!).... uh, yeah. If by "sweet aftertaste" they ACTUALLY meant "Bitter aftertaste", then I guess it wasn't false advertising! I have been racking my brain to remember if the sign actually employed ironic quotation marks, and it actually said "Sweet" Aftertaste. But I don't think so. I think they just told lies, lies, lies, yeah.

Here are the farmers that sold me the grapefruit. Their lies are gonna get them!

It has been about a month since my last progress report... I will break down my recent accomplishments and current struggles for you all some time this weekend!

Not All Avocados Are Created Equal

I will start by admitting that this particular "weird food" was not really a challenge for me. I have never met an avocado that I didn't like! And as you know, my husband, inexplicably, did not like them. So, he sat by, for almost 10 years, and watched me at the Farmer's Market.... if I was in need of an avocado for my own purposes, he would sometimes point to a Fuerte, a Bacon or a Pinkerton avocado and I always rebuffed him, saying that "I only like Hass avocados." Which was always an exaggeration. True, I PREFER the Hass variety (and honestly, who doesn't?!?), but would I have ever picked a Reed Avocado off of my sandwich? Of course not! So, in the spirit this project, I had my husband pick out whichever Damn Avocado that he thought we should have this week, which is how I ended up with a Gwen Avocado. Whatever Hubby wants, Hubby gets!

Here I am at the Farmer's Market, deciding to embrace the Gwen Avocado. Next time, I won't forget my pants.

I had great plans for Gwen! Plans that tapped into one of the most important issues at the core of this very experiment.... the ability to share all of one's favorite foods with one's spouse! I decided to include Gwen in one of my favorite meals.... which is a meal that I have actually NEVER made for my husband before! For almost a decade, I have only made it for myself when he is out of town! This is because it heavily relies on both avocados and cucumbers, neither of which he would eat. But since he has also decided to "get over himself", he has decided that he "likes everything now." So, I was finally able to make him the Spicy Tofu Bento Bowl that I so love.

If they could see her now, inside a Bento Bowl!

Anyway, I used Gwen in the Bento. And I'm not gonna lie.... Gwen was a little watery and not as creamy as Hass. Not that I didn't still love her very much! But still, I ate leftovers of the Bento Bowl the following day, this time using a Hass. It did actually make a huge difference. The tofu is this dish is SPICY, and the Hass was much more effective in cutting the heat than meek little Gwen was capable of!

Tasting Gwen made my husband understand a little more that an Avocado isn't really an Avocado isn't really an Avocado. But interestingly, as an Avocado Neophyte, he discovered that he preferred the less robust Gwen, as she "asked less of him." So, maybe while my husband is still getting his feet wet with avocados, I should let him experiment with avocados that have low expectations. And I will hoard all of the Hass for myself!

Here She Comes Now, Makin' Mole Mole!

A few weeks have gone by since I tried my hand at making a mole dish. You may recall, my mole-loving husband was a fan of the Enchiladas with Mole Sauce that I made last time. As for me.... not so much. But try try trying again is the point of this game!

Here's my husband, after eating my last mole. He was saying, "I love you mole mo mo mole, I do!"

 This time, I made a Lentil and Eggplant Chili Mole, which I curiously found online accompanied by claims it is "the world's most filling vegan dish." Hmmm. I definitely take issue with that claim, as I have personally cooked up some vegan gems that are filling to the point that one can literally do nothing but lay down for a few hours after eating them! Regardless, I thought this would be a good mole to whack!

This recipe was not as far out as the last mole recipe, which was a real fucked up conglomeration of bullshit! This one contained the expected, yet dreaded,  2 tbsp of cocoa powder, but everything else in it were things that one would more or less expect in a vegan chili. The last mole sauce contained, not only chopped baking chocolate, but peanuts, tortilla chips, and if I'm remembering correctly, the actual kitchen sink! 

For the skeptical, the eggplant was actually totally reasonable in this chili! I had my doubts, but the eggplant was a tasty and appropriate ingredient!

I liked this mole ok. It didn't make me feel so good, like a pony..... and I much prefer a "normal" flavored chili, but I could deal with it just fine. However, my husband was about halfway through his bowl before I informed him that he was eating mole chili. He replied that it was, "a little bit mole-like", but really, I guess you need to include the whole fucked up conglomeration of bullshit in order to prepare a true mole. I will try again, and next time, I'll use a real mole recipe that calls for eyes without a face, a rebel yell, a white wedding, a cradle of love and the rest of the screwed up stuff that is apparently essential to make a proper mole. And I won't stop cookin' til I feel all right, yeah!

From the Sublime to the Radicchio

Although the recipes I had planned for this week called for a staggering *3* heads of radicchio, I knew I needed to start small. So, I got 1 head, cut it in half, and ate it over the course of 2 meals, in 2 very different ways, just to try and get my head about radicchio.

First Half of the Head: The Cooked

I made a very fancy dish. Grilled Marinated Tempeh Steak with Radicchio, Avocado, Orange Dressing, and Tahini. I was intrigued by this one, because, not only did it require that the tempeh be grilled, it actually calls for grilled radicchio. I am savvy enough to know that grilling salad greens is a current food trend, but the only reason I knew of the existence of grilled radicchio is that Sally orders it in "When Harry Met Sally", when she and Harry are on the bad double date with Jess and Marie. So, I guess grilled greens were also a food trend in 1989, and they are back again!

I took some liberties with this recipe. Mainly, I don't have a grill! Instead, I did the best I could do, and broiled the tempeh and the radicchio. The radicchio lost its bright magenta color, and turned nicely brown, which I was hoping would manage to tame its bitterness. In addition, since I severely cut down on the amount of radicchio I used, I presented the meal on a bed of green leaf lettuce and spinach, which I tossed in the nice orange dressing.

I cut up my radicchio into way smaller pieces than that! I wouldn't have handled those gigantic hunks of badness!

 Now, I must admit, this meal made me question my new motto of If It's Not An Important Part of the Recipe, It Wouldn't Be in the Recipe At All. Because, this dish was actually delicious..... the tahini tempeh, the greens with a lovely dressing of reduced orange juice, the avocado, all topped with a nice squeeze of lemon. It was actually perfect.... except for the radicchio part. That REALLY didn't add to the overall taste of the meal. In fact, it detracted from the loveliness, as far as I am concerned. But I will try and chalk that up to me and my unsophisticated palate.

Second Half of the Head: The Raw

I made a salad that I wouldn't have touched with a 10 foot pole just a couple of years ago.... a Radicchio, Radish and Fennel Salad. Literally, before about 2009, I would have only eaten the pine nuts and the cucumber out of it, but I would have been mad about even them, as the dressing was a maple syrup dijon dressing. But I have to say, this was a really good salad! For some reason, the raw radicchio treated me much better than the grilled did. I don't think it ruined an otherwise good salad, the way the cooked stuff kinda ruined the tempeh meal. I would make this again!

Strangely, the recipe didn't call for mixed greens, which are clearly shown in this photo. I went ahead and threw some greens in for fun!

In conclusion.... radicchio is not conquered yet! I need to spend a lot more time with my Bitter Buddy before I can truly embrace him!